The significance of our blood lineage was a lesson that my brother, Ramsay, and I learned at a very young age. We would sit in the library in the early morning with Father before he left for work, our tiny feet dangling high above Parisian carpets that Mother so adored. I was just learning how to read, so I followed along the best I could as Ramsay recited the histories of the wizarding world from the literature of our ancestors.

Then the tutor would arrive as Father floo’ed to the Ministry. Mr. Alphonse Christoph was ancient. The only hair he had left appeared to sprout from his ears, and his method of teaching was as dried up and outdated as he looked. Arithmancy and Ancient Runes were among his favorite subjects, but Defense Against the Dark Arts was his precise area of expertise. The latter being a subject that the Ramsay and I dreaded the least.

Mother and Father were quite pleased with my placement, but my brother seemed annoyed about it. He said he didn’t want his dopey little sister following him around and pestering him. So naturally I had to do just that. And I’m fairly certain that Ramsay wanted to hex me into oblivion by the end of my first year.

The noble house of Slytherin did suit me well. I was, indeed, cunning and had a penchant for pushing the boundaries as far as any rules were concerned. My group friends and I seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble, but it was all in good fun, of course. We were too young to fully understand the burden of our heritage, but, at that time, and we thought we were invincible.

I much preferred the library to the Slytherin commons or even the dormitories in general. It was a quiet place to escape to without the threat of the aimless gossip and chatter that my girl friends were constantly yattering on about. That changed around my fourth year, however, when I became more preoccupied with boys rather than books and school work.

This was the great responsibility that came with the name Greengrass. I was to obediently do as I was told or suffer the consequences. Naturally, I sought out a loophole. I quite liked the Ministry, but I had absolutely no interest in the enforcement of magical laws. I decided to set my sights on becoming a member of the Department of International Magical Cooperation.

I politely introduced myself to a majority of the high officers of the department and gained a good standing with them while subtly expressing my interest in their field. I was determined to mingle and schmooze and kiss as much ass as necessary to get any sort of job offer before my father decided I’d had enough training with him. Lo and behold, my efforts paid off.

Mother and Father are accepting of my stance, though they are under the impression that if and when the time comes, I’ll be quick to join the righteous side of the battle. In all honesty, I just want to have my own opinion for once in my life. And I finally feel that I’ve gained some sort of control, which is all I’ve ever wanted for myself. I’ll let my parents continue to believe that they have firm grip on me, but the truth is that I’m going to do what I want regardless of their influence.

she remembers those nights when she was young, just crossing into the time of her life where solid memories begin to develop. she couldn't give you an actual age, maybe four or five. to her, it is the time when her mam was still alive. she still breathes today, but she is hollow inside. the light in her eyes extinguished long ago, around the time where pap finally caved in on himself and told her that he wasn't cut out for this sort of life. he didn't want to wear a band on his ring or have a youngster clinging to his pant leg. or at least, that was what mam had to say before she quit talking all together. that was around the age where she first met him. he was her escape from the emptiness in her chest, where her heart was supposed to be, the emptiness that projected throughout the tiny flat. she always knew that a little girl wasn't supposed to feel such pain, but she kept tired and brushed her mam's hair and made sure the barren flat was spotless.

the days that are filled with mam and pap are associated with laughter and happiness. there are not many happy days that she can recall. mam and pap were both young. mam is still young, but now she seems more like a shell. pap didn't realize that he was a coward until the moment where it really matter. the moment that he should have been there for his youthful wife and their baby girl. to this day, mam still wears her wedding band and keeps the amingpictures up of pap. then come the days were pap was day but not in all senses of the word. his mind was drifting far off as he tried to come to terms with the life that he had chose. mam did a lot of begging and there was too much hollering in the flat. those days are more abundant, but still not populous. pap was there one day and after a screaming match that caused her to hide under the bed he was gone forever. like pap never existed.

the memories that overrule her childhood are the ones where she pretended to play adult. mam was too blue to get up some days, which made her feel like she wanted to cry. she put on a smile for mam and did all of the chores because she knew how mam liked things. she called mam a ghost because some days she swore she could see right through her. she loves her mam with all of her heart but she spent her childhood watching her float away from her. it wasn't mam taking care of her, she took care of mam. each morning she would have to wake up to make sure that mam got up and went to work. she was the welcome witch for st. mungo's. she never complained. she didn't want to make mam anymore upset that she already was. she never knew much about religion, but sometimes mam talked about god. he seemed like an alright guy, so she talked to him a few times. he ruled everything, so she thought that maybe he could make mam happy. mam never got any happier.

these are the handful of memories that she had collected from her childhood. she doesn't talk about it much because it pales in comparison to the childhoods that are packed with family filled memories that caused happiness, disaster, faith, tragedy, and an overall feeling of belonging. sometimes it is easier for her to pretend that her childhood never happened. her childhood was nothing more than hanging on because didn't know what else to do. as she grew older she realized that she was holding onto faith in a faithless world. she didn't know any better as a child, she just wanted to see her mam smile and maybe buy a new dress because she could. her childhood was severely lacking and potentially caused damage to her as an adult, but she refuses to acknowledge that it was toxic to her in anyway. most times, she refuses to acknowledge it in general.

she knew from day one that she wanted to leave some sort of mark. she would not become mam: a soul that floated from day to day without any comprehension that she was allowing her life to waste away. it pained her to watch her mother sit in a chair for hours on end and never let her eyes stray from the stain on the wall. she wanted to ask her how she could allow herself to wither away, living a life that held absolutely no meaning. sometimes it angered her to the point where she would need to leave the flat to escape the suffocating presence of her mam. her mam then posed to her as the example of what she would never allow herself to become. it didn't matter what she did with her life, all she needed to do was feel as if her life would not be viewed as a waste when she finally passed on. her standards for herself were never set high, but that was only because she wanted to leave as many possibilities as she could at her disposal. all she needed was for her life to matter.

being observant, she also realized that those around her did not match up with her idea of leaving an impact. she wanted to focus on a bigger ideal, allowing herself to become lost in a concept that would hopefully reshape the world in some way. she could not allow herself to be confined with rungs on the ladder of future. if she could help it, she would not live a conventional life that was accepted by society because it fit into the status quo. she would go above and beyond what the world accepted and give those around her a reason to talk. this whole idea was not outrageous, it was perfectly acceptable by those who even remotely knew her. they would say that she never got caught up on the little things, always had a love for life, and showed a serious drive for whatever it seemed to be that internally fulled her. no one really understood her, but she never let anyone down and was well enough company. except for when she got a little too much firewhiskey in her system, then it was best to steer clear from her.

there was nothing that could contain her. full of wits and intelligence, those around her were usually baffled because of the thoughtless schemes she became involved in. she argued that if she wanted to find what her passion was she would need to experience it all. her thirst extended to all sorts of thing: company, knowledge, experiences, or anything that would give her something to talk about. she seemed to be all over the place, but no one could deny that she always saw things through. but some the things she welcomed into her life were questionable. her knowledge sometimes failed to be put to practical use because she wanted to do anything possible to feel alive. most of her knowledge was disregarded because it didn't fit into the groves of her life. she was looking for something, she just didn't know exactly what is was. no matter how much she seemed to live, there was always a sadness that hung over her. it was the hole in her structure that had been formed early on in her life. it was nothing she could help, but everyone noticed it. they were all just too nice to say anything about it.

he came into her life when she was nine years old. pap had been out of the picture for four summers. she didn't count the years, she counted the summers because her birthday was in the summer. she didn't mean to meet him, it all happened by accident. their flat was smack dab in the middle of godric's hollow, with a few other wizarding families living in their building and the one across the street. he lived across the street, and he was outside having a wooden sword fight with his brother when she was walking back from the market. the paper grocery bags were never sturdy and she was tiny, which was an equation for disaster. the bag began to topple over in her arms and ripped, sending its contents spilling all over the walkway. his brother pointed at the mess and laughed, to which he stabbed him in the gut with the sword and ran over to help her collect the items and carry them up to the flat. she invited him in and they made cheese and ham sandwiches together, starting the beginning of her bumpy ride with him.

he became a constant in her life that she never asked for. she didn't want his support, but she received it anyway with how potent his presence became in her life. mam never told her what to do, so she would go out adventuring with him, buy cheap toys with him that they break later that day, and go on outings with his family because they accepted her as an extension of their family. if she is asked about her childhood, she speaks of the memories that she created with him before a lump forms in her throat. she never meant to become dependent, but he made her felt like she mattered and she no longer had to care for herself. he cared for her. he made her laugh, he made her angry, he made her upset, but most of all he made her matter. there was nothing between them because they were both of magical descent and seemed to fit together effortlessly. he filled the void that her mam created with her emptiness. she abandoned the one who she was supposed to love for the one who she never meant to meet but made her whole.

they completed each other, making one another the best version of each other. they entered hogwarts at the age of eleven and were both sorted into ravenclaw, something that they thought nothing about. all of their time was still spent with one another. it was something that their friends picked up on immediately and never quit jabbering about. being surrounded by their friends, she began to gain proper perspective on their relationship, gaining more insight, she swore that she understood completely while he never seemed to pick up on anything. by the time she was fourteen she realized that she was in love with him. it was a mind numbing realization that she had no idea how to handle. mam didn't love her, but she loved mam. all of the love that she ever gave out was never returned. she wanted him to realize the situation himself, which was entirely too painful because as the years went on she found herself feeling marginally more unwanted.

he kissed her two weeks later.

she never knew that she had a temper until her first taste of rejection smacked her right in the face. usually she remained placid about things, finding joy in her experiences. never before had she faced a brick wall that she did not have any idea how to clime over. she had made sure that her life was a flowing river, she was not sure if she would remain composed if she ever hit a snag. she appeared as if she had a grip on her life and what she was doing, but the truth was that she was scared as hell because did not have any idea what she was doing with herself. she had a general idea, but she always overlooked the minute details. that what he was there for. he made sure that she went back to fully complete things: a better form of the productivity that she was able to achieve. she had never thought that she would have to try and carry on without him. as much as she hated to admit it, she had depended on him and now she was sure that she could not survive without him.

she hated him for making her feel weak. through all of her obscure students, she had never felt weak because she was the one in control of her life. he had also given her strength in the form of his unyielding support. for two weeks she went on without his presence. she will tell anyone who asks that it was complete hell. those fourteen days are a haze for her that she can only label was agonizing. he had come to stand as a piece of her life that she could not allow to continue missing. the issue was that her pride kept her from seeking him out to tell him that she wanted him in her life in any way possible. eventually he found her on the astronomy tower, teetering dangerously on the ledge of the tower. he pulled her back immediately and she screamed at him, telling him that he no longer had a say in anything that she did. she hollered at him until her face threatened to turn blue from a lack of oxygen, which was finally when he grabbed her by her waist and kissed it.

when she was recollected he told her that he had been thinking of kissing her for a month and wanted it to be perfect. her abrupt kiss had shocked him and he needed to rethink everything because he had been sure of the fact that she was not even remotely interested him. they had been best friends, which was why he was not allowing himself to believe that she could possibly love him as well. things were reconciled between them instantly. for the rest of their career at hogwarts they posed as the couple that everyone else wished they could mimic. school suddenly became heaven on earth and she was convinced that her impact would be creating a bubble of happiness with him. summers were filled with more adventures and days upon days spent at each other's flat. a falling out occurred with her mam because she saw them outside the flat one day and he kissed her goodnight. she began to cry and then broke down when she came inside. all of her bottled up frustration was finally released and she said things to her mam she wishes that she could take back.

they married when she turned eighteen. each of them swore that they would never find anyone else, that their soul mate had existed beside them since the age of nine. mam had no say in her choice because she had moved out after school had finished. she felt a twang of guilt occasionally, but it was easy enough to focus on him instead of mam. his family welcomed her as his bride without any hesitation because they had watched their relationship bloom for over half of their lives. there were only two conditions that they had to meet: they needed to find a place of their own and show them that they both had plans for the future. she decided on trying for a ministry position, any one that she could snag, and he became an apprentice potioneer. fate seemed to be smiling upon them because only three months after graduation a living space over one of the shops in diagon alley opened up. they were going to begin the rest of lives together.

their perceptions of reality were slightly warped because the rest of their lives did not last as long as expected. she had no issues with the first two years of their marriage. the ministry treated her well but she acted as more of a lackey than anything else. still, the income was great so she had no complaints. he flourished at his job and began to vigorously climb up and make progress. she found herself becoming upset with her standstill by the time she turned twenty. squabbles sprang up between the two of them, but they were solved eventually. the happiness still existed, but she put more focus into her job and pestered until she finally was offered a position in the dragon research and restraint bureau. her days at work became longer and longer because she wished to prove to them that she was a valuable worker. her side of the bed was left empty most nights. space seemed to creep between them, like an imaginary stake was driving its way into their relationship.

he finally said something the night of her twenty first birthday. they were supposed to go out to her favorite restaurant, an act that he was sure she would find to be a pleasant surprise. she had been working in bulgaria, but he had assured her that she would be home the afternoon of her birthday and no issues would arise. that was the first night that she stood him up, allowing him to sit in the restaurant for two hours before he returned home, resigned. a shouting match occurred when she came home at two o'clock in the morning. he was more hurt than anything. the hurt easily transformed into rage and that was also the first night she slept out on the couch. in the morning the pain of what had happened overcame her and she ran into the bedroom, curling up against him and murmuring an apology through her sobs. she could not lose him, he was her constant. that was what she called him, that was his pet name. they were meant to be together. they had to be together or else that meant the world was letting them down.

the world let them down.

not even a year passed before the space between them grew until a canyon seemed to separate them. neither of them could give a feasible explanation as to how they had fallen apart into so many pieces. they both felt the agony sink into their very bones, but neither of them could seem to find a way to resolve the issue. both of them turned to behavior that was uncalled for but posed as their self medication. he found the company of other witches soothing, mostly because he pictured them as her. the bottle became a pleasant way to end each evening, until every bar knew her name. it is not to say that everything had fizzled out of their marriage. both of them loved each other just as they had when they were sixteen, but life seemed to have something else in mind for them. not what they had imagined. they both cried when they finally sat at the table in the dim light of the kitchen and decided that it would be best if they cut each other out of the other's life. that way they could both right themselves and hopefully find happiness once more.

he was her happiness,

somehow, she chased her happiness off. at the age of twenty three, she has not spoken to him in a year but the pain rests heavily on her chest. her job at the ministry is still hers, but she does not feel the same joy when she works. mam is still a nonexistent piece in her life, however, she feels as if she better understands her. she feels hollow, just like she imagines mam does. she also still wears her wedding band. it reminds her just how easily she can destroy the best things in her life.